Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
