can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize