Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
