My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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