hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
