I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The beer is more important than you right now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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