So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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