Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
worst night to have a conscience
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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