in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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