this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
