a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
