I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
