how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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