it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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