We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
