i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
