So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
