On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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