So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
