So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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