I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
