Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
