i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
