no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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