I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
