screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
