And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
