guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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