my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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