I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
