I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
