What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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