Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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