On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize