You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
