I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
