I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dignity is for republicans.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
