Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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