just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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