I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
