soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
