my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
