happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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