i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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