That's intense
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
