I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
