i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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