You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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