did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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