The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Life is so much better after having sex.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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