Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
