she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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