My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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