I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
