last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
