because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
