just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
