We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
