who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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