He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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