If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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