I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
