My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
