Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
