I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
