I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
zippers are such a cool invention
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
