barbara walters just said penis...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize