why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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