anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
