You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
