Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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