Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
