I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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