Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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