good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
